So it’s heading into the holiday season and my Target has finally figured out “Hey this is a useful employee maybe we should give him more hours”. So now every day that I don’t have off for school (which is Monday and Tuesday) I work YAY. It is a good thing cause money has been rather tight even if they don’t pay nearly enough to begin with. I don’t know what is wrong with me today. I feel very blah. I’m sure it has a little to do with politics cause I know now things have to get a lot worse before they get better, and believe me if you voted republican (not that I think all republicans are bad just a high majority are) they will get a lot worse. It doesn’t help that I waited too late to vote should have done so early or at least before heading to school. I feel like one of my classes is great but the teacher doesn’t know half of what he’s talking about and shouldn’t be teaching the subject, the other two classes I love though. I have this feeling that whatever job I may get from this new education will be similar to what I have currently, basically a shit job that anyone can get and the pay being not worth going in for. I have no clue what to do next semester besides take only two classes cause the money from FAFSA will pay off debts so I can continue going to school.
I miss my family and friends. I know I will get to see my friends soon which will be really nice. I really appreciate my roommate but we are both struggling with a bit of money right now. I really hate money and wish there was someway we could get large copious amounts of it. In truth I just want enough to never have to worry about it, know that things are paid for, know that if I buy something here or there (nothing huge mind you) that I won’t have to worry about it, that I won’t run out of credit or run out of cash in the bank.
This holiday season like many others in the past I won’t be giving out gifts even though it’s something that gave me tons of joy, I will just be barely getting by, and I really hate that feeling. That’s the main reason for going back to school, but I’m doubting that that will change anything. I know I have changed. I am a bit more risk taking, otherwise why go back to school at all, why be super poor when I could just be comfortable in a crappy job. I guess I just need someone to tell me everything will be alright, that I am doing the right/smart thing, that in the end I will have the life I dreamed of (which for me really all I want is to be comfortable even though I dream big otherwise). And, as all of us, I just want to be loved. I know there are many people out there that love/care about me but being alone most of the time it’s hard to see.
So that’s it really. I think I just needed to get this off my chest.