So a few years ago… I wish it were just a few years ago… I went back to colleges after being “laid off” from my previous job that I didn’t realize how much I hated until I was “laid off” from it. During this second trip to college I took classes to try and become a video game designer. Honestly I feel I am more in line with story development and took classes more in line with that but at the same time here I learned to code and learned the basics of game design and the Unity Game Engine.
Unity was a great system, free to use, easy to use, and had many tutorials on how to develop for the system. And then a couple of years ago Unity did something really stupid and made it so everyone hated them, which I honestly don’t blame them.
So lately I have been trying to learn Godot. Godot is very similar to Unity but it is open source and constantly being developed. Recently right after the Unity debacle they added support for C# which is what all of Unity is programmed in, but honestly looking at how Godot does things I think it might be slightly better in some aspects just behind due to being newer than Unity.
Anyway I have had two games that I have been wanting to make for years now.
A Steampunk inspired Metroidvania
A Tactics game inspired by Final Fantasy Tactics, which I feel is by far the best tactical RPG out there.
I don’t really want to go into too much detail about them here, I already have plenty of notes on them that constantly change when I think of something new. But I honestly think my issue really is I hesitate to start. I don’t know exactly where to begin. Well I know exactly where I begin, I’m the story guy so I come up with story and ideas on how to play and see the game, but after that point I hesitate cause I either try to do too much at once or don’t do anything beyond planning.
What normally happens to me with creative endeavors is this: I come up with an idea, plan it out, get as much detail as I can to get a good start, and then will go to the next step… and then there’s five steps. I need the art so I can see the character in the style that I am trying to learn how to program which I need tutorials for cause I don’t know how this new system deals with characters like this and oh look at this idea maybe I should change the whole story why I go play and tweek that a bit since I can’t seem to do anything programming wise…
I just exhaust myself in the planning and preplanning and the learning that I never get anything more than a few notes and a test game opened and barely started.
My therapy has been helping me feel better about myself and feel better about doing things in general but I still can’t get the drive to just continue doing, and that drive tends to make it at this point a “Well you know you aren’t going to do anything so why bother even starting, why not play that mind numbing game you like instead.”
This is honestly what I wanted therapy to help me with. I suppose I should try meditation to calm my mind, which she suggests, but I don’t know how well that will actually work for me. And those doubts are what are preventing me from doing anything.
Cyan